Trying to Smile

I AM NOT SATISFIED WITH THE ENDING. THERE WAS NO ENDING! What happens to Offred after she's taken by the men in the black van?! Why did Nick tell her that it's going to be okay? Was he part of the underground movement that Moira mentioned before? (Btw, poor Ofglen. I'm actually kind of sad that she died - but at least she died in a somewhat less painful and more dignified manner than if she would've been caught). I want to know whether this is Offred's end or beginning. The ending is way too open ended >.< !

I can't believe Serena Joy found out about the Commander and Offred. I mean, can the Commander be any more stupid? He left lipstick on his shirt, i think. I don't know - Serena Joy mentioned this wasn't the first time though but she trusted Offred (yet another betrayal, how sad). I wonder how Offred got found out though. I mean, it was pretty obvious that Serena Joy didn't snitch on her - she actually seemed surprised that she was getting taken away. Could it have been the new Ofglen? But i'm doubtful about that for some reason. She was willing to tell Offred about the old Ofglen and how she hanged herself. But i guess at the end, she was just a true believer and must have felt the need to snitch? I don't know.

How could the end leave so many more unanswered questions?!

Everything

There are so many twists and turns into this book! I can't believe the Commander actually took Offred out of the house and into what i would call a "whore house." I guess this just shows that even in a society with such strict restrictions and rules, there are still those who are willing to venture out and break them, even those who have the power and are suppose to actually enforce the rules.

I was a little disappointed to see Moira there though. I mean afterall, i actually thought she escaped, escaped from the society as a whole and found the "real" world again. I mean, from what she tells Offred though, it seems like she's a lot better off in there than at the Red Center but still .. i think it killed the spirit of Offred. BUT i guess there still is hope - i mean obviously there are people who are running an underground operation for those who are trying to escape and be free. Maybe someday Offred could escape and find Luke and her little girl.

I really think the Commander is a creep. First of all, he puts Offred in this really skanky, feathery, top thing and then brings her to a whore house (or some type of equivalent - i lack a better word for it). Secondly, i mean he's breaking almost ALL the rules! All the Commanders are! How hypocritical of them. And third, i'm pretty sure now that the Commander wanted sex in the first place when he first asked Offred to play Scrabble with him. I mean, he tells her that he wanted to do this so this time they can enjoy it (BLAH! creep.) Anyways, he just reminds me of a creepy old guy whose just really horny - yuck.

SO, what exactly happen between Offred and Nick? She keeps fantasing. I can't tell what's real and what's not. She claims she doesn't really know how it happened but .. i don't know. Not sure I understand that. And, why does she fantasize about Nick so much? Is she trying to replace him with Luke? Or is she just longing for some effection, emotion, or love from someone? I feel bad for her. Hopefully someday, she could get out of here and be happy again.

Only Look At Me (Part 2)

I was really surprised when Serena Joy offered a picture of Offred's daughter to her, in exchange for her to try and reproduce with Nick (which i thought was ironic because Offred and Nick seems to have a little attraction to each other in the first place). Offred's reaction was so, bitter & angry, just like how i would have reacted. But, i'm curious to how Serena Joy knows where her daughter is. Do they keep track of where the children of the Handmaid's go? Yeah, and i think this was the first time we've actually seen the Commander's Wife be nice, or at least genuine to Offred. She even offers her a cigarette, which was extremely kind but i wonder how she knew Offred craved that.

Anyways, i thought what the commander said about how the men had nothing for them anymore was extremely surprising. It's interesting that he mentions how he says there was nothing the men could do with the women and how sex became too easy (it could be purchased). But i think what struck me the most was how he said that there was nothing for the men to work for, nothing to fight for. I assume when he's talking about that, he's refering to the world before the "take over". And it's weird because, i would think that he has nothing to work for and fight for now instead of back then. I mean, back then there was competition amongst each other but now everybody just accepts their roles in society - that's boring.

So, the Provaganzas are weddings for angels! That's interesting but i also think it's awkward. The women they are marrying, they don't even know and have never seen before (I assume) and yet, they are pretty much stuck with them for life. They don't have to love each other either. I can't really imagine a loveless, lifeless marriage - it must be hard.

Last point: How did Ofglen know that Offred was seeing the Commander privately? Do they have spies too? o_O

Foolish Love

"We're not each other's, anymore. Instead, I am his.
Unworthy, unjust, untrue. But that is what happened."
I found that quote extremely interesting. Perhaps it was the fact that Luke accepted her inferiority better than I would have expected. They seemed to have complemented each other so perfectly, but in this time of need, I feel Luke had deserted her. The fact that he never even asked her how she felt, the fact that he accepted the idea that she was his, like property. Blah, that's unacceptable. But then again, I guess it's really not his fault. He was made to believe that men were superior (or at least that's what it seems like).

Perhaps the better question, or thought to ponder about is, who, specifically, could have done these things? What was the purpose? Why make men assume a superior role and strip away the rights of women that they have long fought for? The book mentioned that someone or group had shot the president, and killed the entire Congress and basically took over. Again, why? For all we know, the world seemed to be functioning normally. Why was there a need to change? Why throw everything into a whirlwind and cause such distress? I wish I could get to these answers sooner.

Anyways, I thought it was extremely interesting that Ofglen broke the rules and talked to Offred about the "forbidden subjects." It really surprised me - she seemed like one of those, like Offred said true believers (like goody too shoes in school). I'm really curious to see who was the "us" she referred to when she asked Offred to join them. What could her group be planning? A rebellion to take back their world? An escape? What would happen? Ah, most questions to answer.

Last thought: I wonder, what did happen to Luke? Did he change? Offred mentions that, "By the time I could have done that, I was afraid to. I couldn't afford to lose you." Maybe he did. You know, my title for this blog would be very appropriate here: Foolish Love.

Remember

So i just finished reading chapters 21-23. I actually thought these chapters were kind of interesting. First of all, i thought it was extremely funny how during the Birth Day (i think they were called) that someone slipped alcohol into the grape juice that the women were drinking. I don't know, it just seemed really weird because Offred (i think that's her name) was talking about how during these Birth Days, things like this happens all the time and that even they need a little relaxing. What i thought was really weird was when Janine was giving birth, she was able to get up, use the bathroom, and then walk around. I mean, when i picture someone giving birth, i imagine them lying in a bed, and in too much pain to even talk. But Janine, she seemed perfectly fine! At some point, i actually thought the baby was gonna pop out of her while she was on the portable toilet haha. Anyways!, i thought it was strange when the rest of the women chanted phrases like "push" while Janine was giving birth - i mean if i was giving birth, i would be so annoyed to hear that. BUT the WEIRDEST thing was the fact that the rest of the women felt the pain that Janine felt. Like Offred, who after the birth said that she felt that her breasts were heavy and how she was soo tired and everything. I don't know - that's hard to imagine. To be able to feel someone else's physical pain even though you've never been through such an experience? hmmm. OH! I'd also like to point out that i think in chapter 21 was the first time that i got the sense of "unity" in the book - all the women were united while the baby was coming out of Janine; they smiled together "one smile". I thought that seemed interesting and i guess it can be related to even now because the birth of a new child usually unites people together (like family & friends).

I'm so proud of Moira for escaping! What she did was hecka G. I really would love to have a friend like her. And i think it's a create example of how in any society, there will always be those who are willing to take a stand and stand up for change - to stand up for what they believe in. Moira believed in her freedom and she stood up and fought for it. It's great that she escaped!

Last point : the Commander is a CREEP. At first i thought he was an okay guy, because all he asked of Offred was to play Scramble (which i thought was kind of weird because of all the things to play, Scramble! But i guess it does relate to one of the motiffs of the story, which is the play on words). BUT then, at the end he asked Offred to kiss him. WHO DOES THAT?! It's so random and out of the blue. It's like, "oh, will you play scramble with me?" and then "kiss me." How weird! I guess it would've been "okay" if he just let her go after she kissed him. But the fact that he said, kiss me like you mean it! What is this old guy trying to do?! What a creeper =/!

Yearning From The Heart

Wow, i must say, this new book we're reading is "weirder" than The Leffhand of Darkness. It took me a really long time to actually figure out what was going on, but even now, i am still confused >.<. What exactly happen to Earth (i'm assuming they still live on Earth)? Are their religious wars going on? Are the men in charge, as in the permanent dominant species? What is a Handmaid? Well, i've come to a conclusion that a Handmaid is a woman that the Commander has intercourse with in order to bear a child becuase .. i guess his wife is incapable? But then again, if that's really the case, why don't they just marry someone who CAN bare a child? Why do you need specific women to do that o_O?

Also, not only are the roles of the people confusing, i don't really understand their rules. They can't even speak to each other openly - it's a crime. And the women can't even give eye contact because it's form of penetration? I don't really understand the logic. There are so many rules, limitations! I feel that the women, and even some of the men in the story are stripped of their freedom. I guess what i'm more interested in is how this happened.

The relationships are so complicated. What is the difference between and Angel and a Guardian in context with the story? To me, i've always regarded those two as similar beings. An angel is a person's guardian. I assume the book refers to Angels as warriors and Guardians as .. police? I don't know - it's all so confusing!

Why did they hang the people at the Wall? The women mentioned something about they were doctors that took life away? I assume that means they helped women with abortions - but wasn't that the choice of the women? They were simply doing their jobs - just perhaps taking another's life away is wrong but still i don't think they deserve to be hung. And the others that were hung - they were suppose to be examples to the women of what they shouldn't do/be. But how? Like the narrator said, the women can even concieve even if they WANTED to - they had to chosen or something.

Anyways, i look forward to discussing this in class - THERE ARE SO MANY QUESTIONS THAT NEEDS TO BE ANSWERED >.<.

Lollipop

I thought the short story "When It Changed" was extremely interesting! Wow, i don't think i ever pictured Earth for only men and another world(?) for women. I never thought about it that way but how interesting is that? The idea that women don't need men in order to reproduce, the idea that women don't need men AT ALL. I'd really like to experience such a phenomenon. Anyways, i think the best part of the story, is when the Earth man said that, "As a people, we are not very bright. There's been too much genetic damage in the last few centuries. Radiation. Drugs." I almost laughed at out when i read that. To me, he's basically saying that men are stupid and they need women to balance out their stupidity. It's nice to finally be able to read about a world where the men actually need the women in order to survive and reproduce instead of the other way around. I mean to be very honest, most modern stories portray women as "weak" and they need men in order to "complete" their lives (not only in the sense of love but also their physical needs/desires). So, i think it's good that in this story, the women don't need the men in order to survive and that they are actually HAPPY living without them.

I think it's really tragic that the Earth men are coming to Whileaway and pretty much ruining the lifestyle that the women have developed there. I think it just shows how men are ignorant and not understanding. They only do things (such as "invading" Whileaway) that will benefit themselves and they are willing to sacrifice everything, and anything/one else in order to achieve their goal.

Also, i thought that the last statement of the story was very interesting.
"Take my life but don't take away the meaning of my life."
I have to agree with the statement - it's almost like when someone passes away, you want to remember the things that they've done that made a difference, that made them special. In this case, death is nothing compared to the misery that having the meaning of someone's life taken away.

Day By Day

So we left class today lingering on the question whether Le Guin directed her book toward the issue of gender/sex. Personally, i didn't really feel like gender played a great part of the book - it was something i just overlooked. I think her usage of the pronoun "he" is just to help the reader identify and create a better image of the character. I don't think she intended it to be um, sexist i guess. Perhaps she just meant for Estraven to be a more masuline character. I mean, if she didn't paint the picture of Estraven being slightly more masuline, it'd be very difficult for a reader to picture what a person who has no gender to look like. I know i'd have difficulty imaging that. Anyways, i look foward to continuing our class discussion tomorrow. It should quite interesting.

Strong Baby

We finally finished reading the book! I must confess, even though Genly completed his mission and was able to ally the Ekuman with Gethen, I feel the end seems to be lacking. Perhaps it was because i was expecting a happy ending and i guess that didn't really happen. I really wish Genly could be happy (I remember i read this story on another blog that a person no longer could smile because the person that made them smile was no longer there and it reminded me of Genly and Estraven - since Estraven died, it seems that Genly can't find the true joy and happiness that he felt during the time he spent with Estraven.) Anyways, I'm glad Genly succeeded in his mission though.

To be honest, Genly is a lot stronger than i initially thought he was. He chooses to stay in Gethen even though he has the option of going back home. For me, i don't think i'd be able to stay in the place that reminded me of such bittersweet memories that'd bring pain to my heart. At the end of the chapter, he visits Estraven's father's house and he remarks that ...
"I had come on a fool's errand to Estre, hoping for solace. There was no solace; and why should a pilgramage to the place of my friend's childhood, fill my absence, soothe any remorse? Nothing could be changed now."
At first, i thought he was crazy - i didn't understand why he'd dig up memories of Estraven because i know it'd hurt Genly but then i realized that i do understand. In fact, i've actually done something very similar. When one of my friend and I "drifted apart", i remember i went back to all the places we use to go in order to "relive" the times we shared together. I wanted to remember and perhaps find closure but every single time i went to those places, i didn't get closure. In fact, it just reminded me of the pain of losing this friend of mine and i just kept asking myself "why". I couldn't figure out why this happened between us. Basically, what i'm trying to get at is that I understand why Genly went back - he hoped that maybe if he went back, he'd be able to move on; he was seeking closure. But unfortunately, when people do stupid things like that, it only causes more pain (in my opinion at least).

Overall though, i really enjoyed this book. It was confusing at first but it ended up being an interesting read. Good choice!

Until Whenever

Oh, I'd also like to bring up a quote that i wrote about in my reading log for chapter 15...

" What is love of one's country, is it hate of one's uncountry? Then it's not a good thing. Is it simply self-love? ..."
- Estraven

When i first read this quote, i thought Estraven had a really good point. I never really thought about what the love of one's country actually is. I mean we all say we love our country but .. what does actually loving our country mean? I definitely don't think it's the hate of one's uncountry but i do think that in our current society today, that's what a lot of people mistake for patriotism. Perhaps it's the love for what the country represents and when the country is in crisis, remaining by it's side instead of "abandoning" it. What does everyone else think? =)

Lie

Today we had a group/class discussion about Chapter 15. So far, i actually think that this chapter has been the easiest to understand. Everything is very straightforward - when Genly wakes up from being nauseated by the injections, he sees Estraven for the first time as just a simple "human being" as oppose to anything he had thought before. Genly and Estraven starts to develop a connection, or "friendship" (i'm reluctant to say friendship because Genly mentioned that he didn't want to be friends) and Genly teaches him mindspeech. They travel together in light snow, in which they make the most progress, and in the rain in which they make the least progress and this is when Genly begins to feel sick, possibily from the food. Then they gradually travel to Gobrin Glacier.

So actually, something that came up in our little group discussion was the possible "attraction" that's developing between Genly and Estraven. Our group felt that perhaps Estraven had crush on Genly because he was willing to risk his life for pretty much a complete stranger he'd just met. I brought up the idea that their conversations also always seems very intimate. Like the way Genly describes how Estraven was sleeping. I guess the comparisson that comes to my mind is that like he's the boyfriend and he wakes up next to his girlfriend and for the first time in a very long time, saw her for who she is. Just the way he described it felt very intimate. And i remember near the end of one of the other chapters, Genly mentions that he only traveled all the way to Orgoreyn for Estraven (he needed to give him the money) and i thought that foreshadowed a possible love story between them? We'll see. Oh, John also brought up the fact/idea that everytime Genly and Estraven talk, there seems to be some type of "touching" going on. We discussed this with Ms. Aaland and she pointed out that the touching could be a cultural difference between the Gethenian and Genly. She also hinted that it could just be flirting, haha.

But I Love You

Today we had a group present chapter 13. I thought our group discussion was really interesting because we discussed a question that i didn't even consider while reading the chapter. In our group and in the class as well, there was a pretty strong debate over whether Genly had killed the man that laid his head on Genly's knees. When i first read the chapter, i just thought that Genly was being a very nice person and he was providing comfort to a dying person - he was making the man's last few moments of life a little better. I thought he was doing a good thing so i was really surprised when one of the questions we discussed was whether or not Genly killed that man. I never even thought about but.. it was really interesting to hear what people had to say because I recall DiMarco thought that Genly killed the man in order to put him out of his misery and Aileen thought that Genly killed him because he thought the man was annoying because he was well ... choking and coughing up blood. To me though, i just thought Genly was being a good person and so that's why he let the man lay on his knees.

Also, when we were discussing Genly Ai's character, it was interesting to see that pretty much most of the class (or at least those who shared their opinions) thought that Genly was a genuine, nice, compassionate, and good person. I guess we all felt that he's demonstrated that he's a good person - one example that i gave was that when he was working at the farm, this guy kept ranting about his life and what not, and even though Genly thought that he was annoying, he still listened (i thought that was really nice of him - it shows that he's a patient person).

I had a question about this chapter ... Why did Genly get arrested in the first place? Why didn't Commensal Oblse do anything to help/save Genly when he knew that Genly was being arrested?
I guess this just shows that Orgoreyn is a fake place that Genly thought it was/could be.

Last Farewell

So Genly is now venturing to Orgoreyn to help Ashe give Estraven money. During one of the group discussions, in my particular group we discussed why Ashe was willing to basically risk his life and everything he has to send Estraven the money. We came up with that Ashe was Estraven's "kemmering buddy" and they made a vow to each other and so we believe that Ashe really loves Estraven and when you love someone, you care for their well being. Since Estraven was exiled from Karhide, he's down and out and he's pretty much all alone. Ashe is worried about him and cares about him deeply, so he's willing to risk everything for Estraven. I think it's really sweet of Ashe to do that. I'm not sure if Estraven appreciates that but yeah. I definitely would do the same thing if someone i loved was in trouble. I was a little confused tho - Estraven mentioned that Ashe wasn't his first "kemmering buddy". If it's not Ashe, who could it be?

Anyways, Genly seems to be liking the city of Orgoreyn a lot better than Karhide. I mean they treat him completely different there than in Karhide. They actually wanna listen to him and what he has to say instead of being afraid and trying to hide him. AND they use technology! haha, Genly can finally take a hot bath and keep warm in the world of Winter. But even with all that Genly mentions that he feels like he is the key and the people there are trying to use him to open a door (but he's not sure what door it opens). I guess at first he really enjoys the place but in Chapter 10, he mentions that there just seems to be something off about that city, like the people there cast no shadows. I wonder what that means.

Is Estraven's real name actually Therem? o_O and I wish it wasn't so awkward between him and Genly. I feel like Estraven has good intentions and Genly should stop being so mean toward the guy ...

Next Day

So from now on my blog titles will be the song i am currently listening to =).

Anyways, first of all i'm so glad that the book finally explained what kemmering was! as i understand it, it basically has four stages. In the first stage of kemmer (Karh, secher) the person remains completely androgynous. If the person in kemmer is alone or with others who aren't in kemmer, the person is incapable of coitus (which i guess means they can't "kemmer" with the other person) but they still feel the strong sexual impulse which apparently controls their personality. Then if the person finds a person to kemmer with, hormones are secreted and one of the partners assume either the role of the female or male. The second stage of kemmer (Karh. thorharmen) is basically the process of um "establishing sexuality and potency" which occurs between 2 to 20 hours o_O. Then there's the " culminant phase of kemmer" which lasts from 2 to 5 days. During this time, sexual drive is to the max and conception usually happens here. If the person gets pregnant, it stays in his/her currect sex for about 6-8 months until the baby is delivered. Last but not least, the last form/phase of kemmering is the custom of "vowing kemmering (Karh. oskyommer) which is just similar to a monogamous marriage. It has no legal status but it's a vow that is kept between the "kemmering partners".

The book talks about how kemmering can be promiscuous but i think the idea of vowing kemmering is very very unique and special. I mean, these two people are willing to vow to each other to be together forever basically without being bound by law. I mean, I don't even think marriage in our society can compare to that because with marriage, it's bound by law but with vowing kemmering, it's not. It's a connection that two people share on another level that is beyong just sex and marriage. It truly is something.

The Left Hand of Darkness

So we've read through about 5 chapters in The Left Hand of Darkness and I still am a little confused as to what is going on. I'm having a lot of trouble picturing what goes on in the story, especially the characters because they aren't conventional human beings or aliens (or are they?).

In chapter one for example, I had a lot of trouble figuring out what was going on in the parade because I simply couldn't picture the scene in my mind (but later on, I brought the question up in class and was able to picture it more clearly). I did find interesting however that the weather changed from being excruciatingly hot to rainy. At first I thought it could be the affects of global warming in the long haul but later I realized that it probably is just another characteristic of the Gethen world that I wasn't familiar with. I keep trying to figure out the theme to this Gethen world but I still can't really put my finger on it. It seems to change as I keep reading the book.

There was this one scene in Chapter 1 that stood out to me a lot because I could relate to it -the part where Genlry says, "I'm not much taller than the Gethenian norm, but the difference is noticable in a crowd ... more and more often I longed for anonymity, for sameness. I craved to be like everyone else." I understand his situation because I'm taller than the average student and although I am proud of my height, there are times where I just want to be like everyone else. I mean, I love being different but there definitely situations in which well ... being like everyone else just would seem more advantagous.

Anyways, throughout this book, Genlry constantly mentions "kemmering" but I'm still not sure what that is. Is that the whole idea of a fluid gender? Or is it something else? I just can't seem to understand it in terms of the story. Also, I'm not sure how Chapters 2 and 4 relate to the story. In Chapter 2, it mentions how Getheren was exiled from his land because the people blamed him for the death of Hode. But I don't really see how that relates to Genlry and Estraven and the rest of the story. Is the land that Getheren cursed the same land that the Getherians are living on now? Who was Getheren to have the power to curse the land anyways? And in Chapter 4, the author mentions Ashe Berosty, Herbor and the Foretellers but I don't see exactly how the story of Berosty and Herbor relate to the rest of the book. I mean in Chapter 5, the Foretellers are mentioned again because Genlry goes to learn from them but I still don't really see the connection. Maybe it was just used as an example of someone who asked a very vague question and got a very vague answer in return.